Tuesday, 4 March 2008

Rights of Man

Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination.

Kerry Howley is hot. She’s like a real life Rory Gilmore (don’t ask me how I know). She’s brilliant, yet classically beautiful. She’s playful and funny. On top of all this she writes for Reason. I’m standing proud just thinking about it. Yet this week it was reported that Hugh Hefner once again had inquired with the Olsen-twins if they would do Playboy. Fuck that. I want to see Kerry Howley on all fours with an Ayn Rand book stuck firmly in between her ass cheeks. I want to see her shot upside down doing jumping jacks while reciting a passage of Friedrich von Hayek. I want to see her take a dump on
The General Theory of Employment, Interest, and Money.

Ok, so Playboy might be out of the question for that last one, but still – with the internet I’m sure we could make it happen (?). The point I’m trying to make is this: why are men continuously drawn to skinny-blonde-irritating-no brain-idiots, when we could be up at 3:00 a.m. watching RedEye on Fox News with our hands firmly down our pants just waiting for the possibility that Kerry might say something dirty. I know if I lived in the US, had cable, no life and a rather stalkerish persona – I would. Sadly, though, I’m not an American, I don’t get Fox News and the stalkerish persona thing have yet to be proven in court (I guess one could make a point for the no life-factor, though)

I want men to prove that we are the rational creatures that we continue to proclaim we really are. I want us to look outside the box (don’t that take that as a metaphor for the computer screen – I’m trying to make a fucking point here!), and I want us to begin with women. How much easier could it get? We love women. Me saying that to prove ourselves we should start with women is like allowing socialists to begin their political arguments with a personal sob story about “this little kid I know…” It couldn’t get any easier!

So let’s change the world. I want Kerry Howley’s face to be the new logo of sexiness. Next time Fox does a piece about a spring brake rape, don’t show a continuous loop of sluts in bikinis dancing, get Howley’s face up there! Next time your mom finds your dirty magazine stash, I don’t want them to be a pile of Playboys and Hustler; I want them to be a sticky stash of old Reason magazines (and I want your mom to be disgusted!) Fuck healthcare, fuck Obama, fuck global warming and fuck the Ron Paul revolution – this generation of young men have more important things to worry about! We are psychologically drawn to stupid women, and it has to stop. Kerry Howley could be our leader, heck (!), she could be our Jesus! So let’s not march on Washington, let’s march on the Playboy mansion and demand that our masturbating future is changed not only for us, but for those who come (so intended it’s not even funny) after us!

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Dan said...

I agree entirely on your point of view. I always find intelligent women sexy wheras the blonde bimbo doesnt do it...well ok thats not strictly true but you know what I mean!

mcmoogol said...

I definitely know what you mean. I guess the piece was originally just supposed to be about Kerry Howley, but then turned into a whole thing about my frustration with the "bimbo-world", we all seem to be living in nowadays.